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March 9, 2024

• shake out

  I think I'll leave the house today. It'll be good for me to do so. Let's call it a shake out run and actually run.

• down to earth

  I needed yesterday to just be. In one place. To come back down to Earth. Reality that is here. Now.

• power off

  I do feel like I have a better grasp on my inner workings up above, it's just that the body beneath the head is something I would sometimes ignore to power through, but I know better now.

• body behind

  Yesterday, I was depleted with energy. I wonder if it's because I left my body back there.

• tug

  When the plane took off in Malaga, I had that out of body experience thing again. Like back in September when I flew out. It was as if Spain was ripping me back to be with her. A tug of war.

• the power of place

  I remember it feeling incredibly powerful. That flight out last year. Leaving Megan after I finally got her back.
  
  It's really hard to explain, as I hadn't felt anything like it when I've left a place before. Or maybe I had in less intense ways because I was less in literal touch with my body/mind back in my younger years of moving places.

• note to self

  A reminder to Self to remember (and still) write on "the power of place” and how each place I've lived — and maybe I’d even include long-term travel stays in there — transformed me in some way.

• blip between

  Anyway, that take off outta Spain this last time felt similar, maybe slightly less holy shit because I know I'll be back soon. Sooner than the last blip between.

• experimenting

  This visit back was experimental. It was to put my toe back into a place that I fell in love with. Hard. Easily. Magically.

• sweet sueño

  I needed to, for my own sanity, find out if it was just a sweet sueño or really real life. And if it was really real, do I still love her or was I just blindsided with her beauty because I've not experienced that kind of stunning combination before in one place: lush, quiet, big, small, fragrant, fun, mountain, sea, peace, me.

• combos

  I think it was a combination of things. Definitely the combo of her caressing my soft soul, once hardened by a different way of life (by hardship). She brought it back to the sponge it's always been: the squeegee of feely good things in life: experiences, adventures, risks, love, fun, freedom.

• breadcrumbs

  My mind just jumped to thinking about all my belongings. And how I just want them safe in one place. And how I'm scattered here. My breadcrumbs of Megan are in multiple breadboxes going stale.

• half & have

  I don't even know half the things I have anymore.

• sanctuary

  Will I ever find that sanctuary here? I do find it in friendships…

• temp

  I'll get to "moving in” today. Into another temporary home. Maybe I need to flip the script and look at it as just being a nomad. A classy vagabond.

• minimize

  I can start to really minimize my things. It's just stuff. And feel lighter knowing I’m not weighing anyone's breadbox down with my stale and maybe, moldy-by-now, crumbs.
  
  This actually reminds me of a vivid memory from back in college. I will keep writing to feel this memory out.
  
  <<<<<Read more on this musing of a memory, titled “What Goes Around, Comes Around,” under my musings here.>>>>>