i am mountain

Context: This the full entry from my Morning Pages written on July 6th, 2024.
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“I am Mountain. Heart as rock. Soft as soul.”

This is the post-run poem I wrote today. As I was running on my favorite mountain trail upon  doing my little mid-run ritual where I stop, talk to and listen to my mountain, I had this epiphany that I am her. I've been Mountain this entire time.

“Mountain Megan" is Mountain and Mountain is me. All this time, I've been reaching out — quite literally grasping for her presence, her air, her wisdom — I’ve actually been connecting to me. Tethering to thyself. Touching my touch. Contacting my own self for the answers. 

That's what's so cool about it all this universal connect-y, sparkle-dusty "stuff” — it’s fucking raw as rock. Rugged as Mountain and sweet soul soothing that is me.

I'm really not trying to get or be poetic here. I already wrote the poem. I'm just writing to write for writing’s sake. To keep up a ritual that I enjoy for the sake of pure joy. To do something for me everyday. Something I value and brings value back — quite instantaneously, in fact.

When the line “Hard as rock,” first came to mind when I got on my running again post-mid-run-throw-your-arms-up-to-Mountain-as-if-to-hug-the-entire-ora-which-is-hers, I thought maybe the word “hard” comes with a negative connotation, when tying it to someone's personality.

However, I believe hardness to be a good quality, too. When I think about my own self and why I feel hard, I mean that I'm tough; a tough cookie one might say. I've been through a lot — like we've all had or are going through or will.

I'm also strong. Again, life's circumstances and experiences have made me the strong, independent woman that I am.

I'm resilient — like Nature. And Mountain is Nature. That is me. Mother Nature we are all part of.

I kept repeating in my head, “Hard as rock” as I ran over hard rock and it was fun, but also hard AF. Those uphills aren’t hills in the mountains, they’re upmountains!

Anyway, as a player of words, I realized hard is also heart in my meaning here. I'm heart up for my mountain nature, and my heart is most full in the rubble that is mountain rock all around me.

And what's under rock? Softer rock, broken down in softer form. Into gritty goodness. Into gold which is our ground. And just as we are stardust, ashes in the end, we are earthy bits that make up the soil that is Nature's soul.

“Soft as soul” is also some wordplay because, "Hey, you know what they say?" Play is good for the soul and when you play in nature and get those literal hands dirty with dirt, you are you one with Nature. Again. Always.

What more can I say on this prose? Who knows? Maybe my nose knows.

I just took a deep breath of fresh air to smell what I could find to say next. Maybe the answer was in that breath. Maybe not.

Not always needing answers. Just always needing to be. Being me: Mountain with a heart made of hard rock and soul solid with soft, earthy soil. Maybe this is why I’m so down-to-Earth?

I am Earth, too.